Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss
About this factsheet
This factsheet is part of RNID’s general range. It is written for the
partners of people whose hearing has gradually worsened as they have
got older.
In this factsheet we look at:

How to identify if your partner’s hearing is getting worse.

What it means for you and your partner if he or she has a hearing
loss.

Hearing aids.

Tips to help you communicate more effectively with your partner and
to help you both in everyday situations.

Ways to help you look after yourself.

Benefits and equipment.
At the end of this factsheet we give you details of organisations you can
contact for further information.
If you would like this factsheet on audio tape, in braille or in large print,
fill in the Want to know more? form at the end of this factsheet and send
it to RNID.
How to identify if your partner’s hearing is getting worse
You may find that your partner:

Needs a lot of the conversation repeated several times.

Misunderstands what is being said.
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December 2002 2

Complains that you are not speaking clearly or loud enough.

Does not hear you when you come into a room.

Does not hear the doorbell or the telephone ring.

Cannot cope with pubs, parties and other noisy environments.

Turns the television up too loud for your comfort.

Begins to speak with a monotonous tone of voice, or is not speaking
as clearly as before.
How does my partner’s hearing loss affect how he or she
hears words?
If your partner has a gradual hearing loss he or she can usually hear the
vowels sounds clearly but not the consonants. Unfortunately, it is the
consonants that are crucial for carrying the meaning of words. The
consonants are the high frequency sounds of speech. It is the high
frequency sounds that are lost when hearing gets worse. For example,
instead of hearing “What shall we have for supper?” your partner may
hear “Wha- ar- we -av -or -ba?”.
Your partner will gradually need to rely more on lipreading to ‘fill in the
gaps’. A lot of lipreading is guesswork. Some sounds and their
lipshapes can be seen on the lips. However, these are easily confused
because they look similar – for example, p, m or b. Other sounds are at
the back of the throat, and are invisible, for example – k or g.
Lipreading can ‘fill in’ the consonants which can no longer be heard, but
can lead to some misunderstandings – for example, ‘Biscuit’ looks like
‘Big kiss’. For more information, see Lipreading later on in this factsheet.
What it means for your partner to have a hearing loss

Chatting is hard work and tiring.
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December 2002 3

Your partner will have less time to relax because he or she will be
concentrating more on communication.

Your partner may become isolated and start to miss social events,
because communication becomes too much of a strain.

Your partner may find that he or she cannot hear his or her voice, so
they are unable to hear how clear or loud their speech is for others.
Some hard of hearing people may slur some of their speech sounds,
because they cannot hear their own voices to correct themselves.

If your partner’s hearing loss means that everyone’s speech is quiet
for him or her, then he or she will most probably start to speak more
softly as well.

Your partner may experience loudness recruitment. This is not
unusual. Loudness recruitment is when a person finds it difficult to
cope with loud noises such as the sound of the vacuum cleaner. If
your partner has loudness recruitment, you may find that your partner
will complain that he or she can’t hear you, while at other times he or
she may complain you are shouting.

Your partner may have tinnitus – the noises that some people hear ‘in
the ears’ or ‘in the head’ – buzzing, ringing, whistling, hissing and
other sounds. For more information, see RNID’s leaflet Questions
about tinnitus.

Your partner may also experience problems with his or her balance
and feel dizzy. For more information on dizziness and balance
problems, see RNID’s leaflet Dizziness and balance problems.
What you can do to help your partner
It is important that you understand what has happened to your partner’s
hearing. Your partner and you both need to accept the hearing loss and
be positive about it.

Be supportive and patient.
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December 2002 4

Don’t try to do everything for your partner – if the doorbell rings,
encourage your partner to go and answer it.

Try not to speak for your partner or leave him or her out of the
conversation.

Encourage your partner to explain his or her deafness to friends and
family.

Carry on socialising – don’t feel that you have to give up your normal
social activities.

Try not to let your partner apologise for being hard of hearing. It is
no-one’s fault so there is no need for your partner to apologise for his
or her hearing loss.

Set a good example for others to follow. Speak clearly and a little
more slowly so that your partner can understand you and other
people can see how to communicate with your partner effectively.

Encourage your partner to visit his or her GP to have his or her ears
examined. The GP may refer your partner to a specialist at an ENT
(ear, nose and throat) unit in the hospital. There may be a long
waiting list, so encourage your partner to start the process as soon
as it is possible.
Hearing aids
If your partner needs a hearing aid(s) it will benefit you both if you help
him or her wear it correctly and look after it properly. For more
information, see RNID’s factsheets and leaflets on hearing aids.
What it means for your partner to wear a hearing aid
Hearing aids help people with a hearing loss improve their level of
hearing. Hearing aids do not restore hearing to normal levels.
Wearing the hearing aid(s) can be a big step for your partner to take. If
your partner has been recommended to wear a hearing aid(s), remember
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December 2002 5
that it can take time for him or her to accept the doctor’s advice. If your
partner has a job, he or she could be concerned about how to cope at
work. Your partner may also worry about further hearing loss.
Even when the aid(s) is first fitted, your partner may be disappointed if it
does not work as well as hoped. You can give your partner support and
encouragement to wear the aid(s). Encourage him or her to begin
wearing the aid(s) for five to 10 minutes a day. Once he or she is used to
wearing it, encourage your partner to wear the aid(s) for longer periods
of time.
If you partner still finds the aid(s) difficult or he or she thinks it is not
working properly, encourage him or her to go back to the specialist who
fitted the aid(s). You might like to go with your partner to the hearing aid
clinic, so that you both understand the basics of how to use and
maintain the hearing aid(s). You can also find out how your partner can
benefit from support services such as hearing therapists or lipreading
classes.
Some people feel self-conscious about wearing a hearing aid. Your
partner may only want to wear it at certain times or in certain situations.
If you can encourage your partner to wear the hearing aid more visibly
most people will make a greater effort to communicate clearly.
Tips to help you communicate more effectively with your
partner

Make sure you have your partner’s attention before you say anything.

Use your partner’s name to attract his or her attention. People usually
hear their name better than they hear other words.
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Don’t approach your partner from behind, or tap him or her on the
back to attract attention. Approach from the side or from in front.

Turn the radio or the television off before you start a conversation.
Lipreading
Lipreading needs a lot of skill and concentration. You might like to try
the following suggestions to make it easier for your partner to lipread
you:

Find a suitable environment with good lighting, away from noise and
distractions.

Sit or stand at the same level as your partner, about three to six feet
away.

Face the light, or your face will be in shadow.

Make sure your partner is looking at your before you speak.

Introduce the topic of conversation.

Speak clearly at a moderate pace without raising your voice or overemphasising
your speech.

Use natural facial expressions, gestures and body language.

Keep your face visible, Do not put your hands near it or wear
sunglasses – and do not turn away while you are talking.

Use plain English and repeat or rephrase something if your partner
finds it difficult to follow.

Check that your partner can follow you. Be patient and take time to
communicate.
For more information on lipreading, see RNID’s leaflet Lipspeaking and
lipreading.
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December 2002 7
Tips for everyday situations
You and your partner may want to try these tips for different social and
everyday situations.
Going to the doctor or hospital

Encourage your partner to tell everyone at the consultation or
hospital appointment that he or she has a hearing loss and/or wears
a hearing aid(s).

If the doctor calls out the name of the next patient, your partner may
no be able to hear. Remind him or her to tell the doctor.

If your partner wears a hearing aid, he or she can ask to see the
doctor in a room fitted with a loop system. A loop system helps
people who use a hearing aid or loop listener hear sounds more
clearly, by reducing or cutting out background noise. An infrared
system is an alternative to loop systems.

Encourage your partner to ask the doctor to move to a different chair
to make it easier to lipread.

Your partner can explain that it is difficult to lipread if the doctor is
looking at a computer or writing on a pad whilst talking at the same
time.

If your partner is worried that he or she will not understand what the
doctor is saying, go along to the surgery with your partner.

Your partner could ask the GP to write down important details such
as dates and times, prescriptions and how many times to take
tablets.

Your partner can ask for a lipspeaker or notetaker to be present if
lipreading is hard and if the consultation has been requested by the
medical staff. A lipspeaker or notetaker will need to be booked in
advance. A lipspeaker repeats what a hearing person or speaker says
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December 2002 8
for you to lipread without using his or her voice. A notetaker is trained
to take accurate and clear notes for deaf or hard of hearing people.

Some doctors put a sticker on the patient’s notes with a recognised
symbol such as the Sympathetic Ear to show that this patient is hard
of hearing or deaf. Your partner might want to ask for this.

In hospital, your partner can ask for his or her notes to display clearly
that he or she is hard of hearing so that staff are aware of it.
Going out to a restaurant/party/pub

Your partner may not enjoy going out in too large a crowd as it is
difficult to lipread many people at once.

If you feel confident, you or your partner could ask the pub or
restaurant manager to turn down the volume of background music if
it is too loud. Explain how difficult it is for a hearing aid user to cope
with background music.

Sit on the ‘better side’ of your partner so that you can repeat key
words that may have been missed. The ‘better side’ of your partner is
the side he or she can hear most clearly on.

If the room is noisy you may have to encourage your partner to speak
a little louder so that you can hear. Your partner may not realise that
he or she needs to adjust his or her speech volume to suit the
environment.

Choose a place where the lighting is suitable for lipreading.

Try to sit away from the kitchen area, as banging doors and crockery
being moved will affect someone who is wearing a hearing aid.
Cinema, concert and theatre visits
Cinemas, concert halls and theatres may be fitted with a loop or infrared
system.
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December 2002 9

Pre-book the best seats for watching, listening and using the loop or
infrared system. It is a good idea for you or your partner to check
when booking the tickets which seats are offered best coverage by
the induction loop/infrared system.

Check that the loop system is working. Ask for it to be switched on, if
necessary. If it is not working properly, talk to the management and
ask for the system to be checked.

Your partner might like to turn down his or her hearing aid(s) at the
end of a concert or play so that the noise when people clap is not
uncomfortable.
Getting about

Walk on your partner’s ‘better side’. Remember that if your partner
needs to lipread, walking and talking at the same time is difficult.

A car is noisy for a hearing aid user. Your partner can get loop
systems to use in a car. See RNID’s factsheet Equipment for deaf
people to use in cars.

Your partner will notice that information is often announced over loud
speakers, for example on trains, or in stations. If you are with your
partner, listen out for announcements and tell them what has been
said.
Shopping

Your partner might want to use a Sympathetic Hearing Scheme card
and badges to let shop assistants know that he or she is deaf, hard
of hearing or a lipreader. The card and badges are available from
Hearing Concern. See Further information for contact details.

Your partner should look out for the loop sign on counters. If the loop
is not working, or the staff do not know how to use them, your
partner should make a complaint.
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 10

Lipreading through a glass screen can be difficult. Encourage your
partner to ask for an interview without a glass screen.

If your partner needs to have a longer conversation or deal with
something in-depth at the bank, he or she can ask to be seen in a
quiet room.
Going to meetings or places of worship

Your partner should check whether there is a loop system available
and whether it is working.

Your partner might want to ask the meeting organisers to change the
lighting to make lipreading easier.

Your partner might want to book a lipspeaker or notetaker if
necessary.

Your partner should ask everyone to sit in the best position so that he
or she can lipread.

Your partner could ask for as much information in advance as
possible, so that he or she is able to take part.
Looking after yourself
You may find that your partner’s hearing loss makes it quite stressful for
you to cope. Remember that feelings of frustration are normal when you
cannot communicate with your partner as well as you used to. Here are
some suggestions you might find useful:

Take time out – share the load with another family member or family
friend. Go out together with a mutual group of friends so that neither
of you feels isolated.

Have time for yourself – continue with your hobbies, sport activities
or other interests. Do not feel you have to give up a hobby or interest
because your partner is not able to share it with you.
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 11

Discuss your needs and concerns with your partner, and if
necessary, with your GP.
Getting help if you are a carer
If your partner’s hearing loss means you are spending a lot of time
caring for him or her, there are several organisations you can contact for
help and support. See Further information later on in this factsheet.
Benefits
You and your partner may be able to claim some benefits because of his
or her hearing loss. You may also be eligible for many other benefits that
are not related to his or her deafness.
Contact the RNID Information Line for advice on what you and your
partner may be able to claim. See Further information from RNID for
contact details. You may also like to read RNID’s leaflet Benefits and
services for deaf people.
Know your rights
The Disability Discrimination Act 1995
The Disability Discrimination Act 1995 (DDA) aims to stop discrimination
against deaf or disabled people as customers who buy goods, or use
facilities or services provided to the general public. The DDA states that
a service provider, for example a doctor, solicitor or a theatre, cannot
discriminate against you by refusing to provide you with a service,
treating you in a worse manner or providing the service on worse terms.
A service provider may have to make a reasonable adjustment to its
service, including providing equipment, if that will help you use the
service –this can include making sure loop systems are turned on.
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 12
The DDA also applies to education. If your partner wants to take a
course, the course provider may have to make reasonable adjustments
and must not treat your partner less favourably than other people
because of his or her hearing loss.
For more information, see RNID’s factsheets about the DDA.
Special equipment
There is a range of equipment available to help your partner in the
home, car, workplace and when out socialising. For more information,
see RNID’s leaflet Equipment for deaf and hard of hearing people.
Getting equipment from your social services department
Your partner may be able to get some kinds of equipment from your
local social services department (SSD). SSDs vary both in terms of the
equipment they supply and whether they charge for it. They are
encouraged to provide ‘Direct Payment Schemes’, which give people
who are eligible money to buy their own services, including equipment.
For more information about their policy contact your social worker with
deaf people or your local SSD. You will find details of your local SSD in
telephone directories under the name of your local council.
Buying equipment
You can get up-to-date information about equipment by visiting RNID’s
website www.rnid.org.uk/equipment and looking at our database of
equipment. You will find details of products, manufacturers, suppliers
and costs. If you do not have access to the Internet, you can contact
RNID’s Information Line (details below) for the same information. You
will need to say that you don’t have access to the Internet and ask for a
printout from the equipment database.
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 13
RNID Sound Advantage
You can also visit the RNID Shop at www.rnidshop.com to buy some of
the equipment online. Alternatively, send off for a copy of the RNID
Sound Advantage Solutions catalogue, which gives details of equipment
for deaf and hard of hearing people.
RNID Sound Advantage
RNID Sound Advantage, 1 Metro Centre, Welbeck Way,
Peterborough PE2 7UH.
Tel: 01733 232607. Textphone: 01733 238020. Fax: 01733 361161.
E-mail: solutions@rnid.org.uk Website: www.rnidshop.com
Further information
The Princess Royal Trust for Carers
The Trust runs a network of over 100 carers’ centres around the
country. The Trust provides information and support to carers.
The Princess Royal Trust for Carers,142 Minories, London EC3N 1LB.
Tel: 0207 480 7788. Fax: 0207 481 4729
Email: info@carers.org Website: www.carers.org
Hearing Concern
Hearing Concern is a charity for deaf and hard of hearing people. It has
volunteers who will offer support in the home throughout the country.
Hearing Concern, 7-11 Armstrong Road, London W3 7JL.
Sympathetic Hearing Scheme Tel: 0208 740 4447.
Tel: 0845 0744600. Textphone: 0845 0744600. Fax: 0208 742 9043.
E-mail: info@hearingconcern.org Website: www.hearingconcern.org
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 14
Further information from RNID
If you want to find out more about some of the subjects covered in this
factsheet, contact the RNID Information Line for our factsheets and
leaflets.
Age Concern with help from RNID has also published a book called
Caring for someone with a hearing loss. The book costs £6.99 and is
available to order from the RNID Information Line.
The RNID Information Line offers a wide range of information on many
aspects of deafness and hearing loss, including details about your local
hard of hearing and lipreading classes. You can contact us for further
copies of this factsheet and the full range of RNID information
factsheets and leaflets.
RNID Information Line
RNID Information Line, 19-23 Featherstone Street, London EC1Y 8SL.
Tel: 0808 808 0123. Textphone: 0808 808 9000. Fax: 020 7296 8199.
E-mail: informationline@rnid.org.uk Website: www.rnid.org.uk
Alternatively, fill in the Want to know more? order form at the end of this
factsheet and return it to RNID.
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Factsheets are updated regularly. Any out-of-date editions should be
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to photocopy this factsheet, please contact the RNID Information Line
Living with someone who has a gradual hearing loss, RNID Information,
December 2002 15
(see above for details) or go to our website at www.rnid.org.uk to check
that you have the most recent edition. If you are a commercial
organisation and you need multiple copies of this factsheet, please
contact the RNID Information Line to find out how to get the quantity
you need.
Lloyds TSB has chosen RNID as charity of the year for 2002.
RNID Information, December 2002
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